Edward Perrimont Cole died in May.
It was a Sunday afternoon, and there wasn't a cloud in the sky.
It's difficult to understand the sum of a person's life.
Some people would tell you it's measured, by the one's left behind.
Some believe, that it can be measured in faith.
Some say by love.
Other folks say, life has no meaning at all.
Me...I believe that you measure yourself...
by the people who measure themselve's by you.
What I can tell you for sure...
That by any measure, Edward Cole lived more in his last days on earth...
than most people manage to gain, out of a lifetime.
I know that when he died, his eyes were closed...
and his heart was open.
Name the five presidents, who's last names begin with the letter 'H'.
H...
Warren D. Harding, Robert B. Hayes, Herbert Hover,
And the two Harrisons, Benjamin and William Henry.
I thought I get you with the double Harrisons.
You 're sick, you know that?
I ain't that sick... Can you name their wives?
- No... - Neither can I.
- Hey, buddy boy... - Yo...
- When you gonna finish that Camaro, man? - Yesterday.
Alright, I got one for you Who invented the radio?
- That's a hard one. - What do you know, I finally got you?
No, it's just that I don't know if you want the person, who they think invented the radio...
Or the person who actually invented the radio.
- Well, in here it says... - Marconi, right?
- Yeah, it ain't it? - He's the one they think invented the radio.
In fact, he got the Nobel Prize for it in 1909.
The truth is, a guy name Nikola Tesla, patented the basic idea for the radio in 1896.
The same idea Marconi used for his patent several years later.
Tessler fought Marconi until the day he died in 1943.
The same year the Supreme Court ruled, that Marconi's patent was invalid...
and it was Nikola Tesla, that invented the radio.
- Carter. - Man, you really are sick.
Hi Ginnie, well good, it's about time. What did they say?
Now, what does that mean?
Kopi Luwak...the rarest beverage in the world.
Take a whiff... go ahead.
Mr. Cole... The Board is ready to hear your proposal.
Hold off, just a second.
Here...go on.
Well?
Really...good.
Really good...
Mr. Cole...sir?
Do you know what a Philistine is, Jim?
- Sir it's...Richard. - That's right Phil...give 'em the schpiel.
Thank you, Mr. Chairman, and fellow Supervisors.
We at the Cole Group feel, the decline of the Winwood Hospital is a direct result...
of significant fiscal mismanagement.
- I beg your pardon, but this... - Overhead costs are nearly double what they should be.
Your lease and land costs were similarly overbid.
Donations have atrophied to this point have fallen well behind the curve
in Research, Pediatrics, Oncology, and MRI.
The Cole Group, has successfully privatized
15 public hospitals, in the past 7 years.
Each of which now provide, or is being re-designed,
to provide the highest standard
of medical care in our communities.
Despite being grossly understaffed?
The better the doctors, the less need...
What about beds? There have been rumors you have increased the number patients...
to the point of over population.
Patient density has always been...
Your emergency rooms, I mean, they are known...
I run hospitals...not health spas.
Two beds to a room, no exceptions.
Look...I passed up lunch with Michelle Pfeiffer to be here.
So, can we desist from all this inane posturing.
Boys and girls, you need me... I do not need you.
Now there's a sizeable cheque in this envelope,
let me know if you decide to cash it.
Mr. Cole are you alright?
What are you doing here?
Oh you know, fighting for my life, you?
No...I'm just surprised, that...
Nurse, you tell Dr. Shit for Brains...that I wanna
know everything about that Bleomyacin drip that...
he wants to get me on.
Ah... what's it do to your lungs, and there's the congress next month
I don't wanna go there, and have to breathe through a hole in my throat.
Well that is not exactly what happens.
Who the hell is this guy? Where's Thomas?
- I'm right here, Sir. - Hi Tom.
We're gonna move you in to the bed now.
I can do it myself, I ain't dead yet.
How about now?
- Have I fired you lately? - Not since the Oprah incident.
- That was a good one. - Yeah, it was.
- Who the hell is that? - Who the hell are you?
Oh God...where am I? In the morgue...
That was the first time I laid eyes on Edward Cole.
An inauspicious beginning, to be sure.
I hate tubes.
I'll be damned, if I'm gonna spend the next 3 weeks laying next to this guy.
A zombie boy...looks half dead already.
You can't have your own room.
It would create an enormous PR. problem.
I don't give a shit about PR, I want my own room.
It's my hospital, for Christ's sake.
Don't tell me, I can't have my own room.
No offence pal.
You publicly defended this policy countless times.
You run hospitals, not health spas.
Two beds to a room, no exceptions.
I've never been sick before.
OK, Dr. Eldridge will be in a minute to dot you up.
Dot me up...
Jesus.
Thomas...don't let me wake up paralyzed.
I'll do what I can.
Is this really your hospital?
Yeah, pretty much.
Might wanna do something about the pea soup.
By the morning of his surgery, the cancer had spread so far...
throughout Edward's body, that the doctors
only gave him a 5% chance to survive.
But then, they didn't account for how pissed off, they'd made him.
No visitors come in to see him?
He's been sleeping a lot, since they brought him back.
That's another reason I don't miss nursing.
It's always so sad, seeing a patient like that...
all alone, after that kind of surgery.
At least it's quiet.
- Rachel called this morning. - Oh, how's she doing?
She's auditioning for first violin, in next semester's symphony.
That's wonderful.
- Need any more books? - No. I'm...fine.
Got your meds for tonight?
- Already took 'em. - How about pillows?
I'm fine, Virginia, really, thank you.
You know, I could stay a while, if you want me to.
No use, both of us being useless in the morning.
Alright?
Okay.
- Is she gone? - What?
As I am something of a public health expert,
I believe, more people die from visitors
than diseases.
I take the Berry’s for 600.
This Swedish Berry, is also known as the Cowberry.
- What are the lingon berry? - What are the lingon berry?
- Right. - I take the Berry's for 800.
In a top 40 hit in 1956, this Berry told Beethoven to roll over.
- Who is Chuck Berry? - Who is Chuck Berry?
- Yes - Hey...
- look do you mind? - Oh... sorry.
What is The Mariana Trench?
- Good morning, Edward. - Morning.
How are you feeling?
- Dumb question. - How's the catheter?
Don't know what I ever did without it.
- Humor is a good sign. - Kiss my ass.
As is surliness, it's one of your favorite prayers, right?
- Yeah... - Let's see what we've got here?
Oh, looks good... alright, so the operation went well.
Okay...
All the post-op brain scans are clean.
So, now we go after the sarcoma in the rest of your body.
Unfortunately your blood markers are extremely high.
So, I would like to begin the first course of chemo this morning.
I love the smell of chemo in the morning.
A tough little smell, right?
It makes me feel like victory.
- I'll check with you later. - Alright.
- Hey Doc... Doc, you think you could just take a look at--
I'm sorry, I'm running late. Who's your doctor?
- Doctor Gibian. - I'll tell the nurse.
Appreciate it.
A bitch, ain't it?
What are quarks?
How long you been here?
Well, in and out over the past few months.
They've got me on an experimental treatment.
What is a quadratic equation?
How rough is it?
Chemo?
Not too bad, if you don't mind, around the clock vomiting,
watching your veins turn black
and feeling like your bones are made of napalm.
- A day at the beach. - That's a relief.
Of course I hear people react to it differently.
You'll know by tonight.
Tonight?
Listen, uh...if you don't mind my asking.
What is that contraption you've got over there?
It's a siphon. Makes coffee...
What else does it do?
What else does it have to do?
Did you know that coffee was originally discovered, by a shepherd in Ethiopia?
- You don't say. - It's true.
It seems his goats were eating berries, from an unfamiliar bush.
Before long, they were running and jumping all over the place, just having a gay old time.
So the shepherd, took some of the branches to the local monastery.
Where the Abbots decided to roast them.
The berries started to burn, and the beans inside gave of a pleasant aroma.
They brewed them in to a stew.
Stew, huh?
And over the next few hundred years, it spread to Arabia, Europe...
even Sumatra, like that hooch you got over there.
- It's called Kopi Luwak. - I know what it's called.
You do?
You won’t catch me drinking that shit.
Have you ever tried it?
No, I'm more of a instant coffee man.
Here, let me.
- Thanks. - No problem.
You always had those freckles?
As far as I know.
Nice...freckles.
Okay, we've got some prosciutto and melons...
some Burata mozzarell' and a veal Paillard.
I brought some biscuits and...
You sure you wanna eat all that?
That's the plan.
What?
Uh, you want Thomas to make you a plate?
- Tommy, fix a plate for... - Carter.
- First name or last? - First.
Really? Interesting.
So you want uh...? Might cheer you up?
- No thanks, I'll pass. - You sure?
Mmm. Yum, yum.
The best in L.A.
Ain't the best in L.A. no more.
Oh, my God.
Somewhere, some lucky guy is having a heart attack.
- Fellows. - Mr.. Cole.
Don't pay any attention to me, I'm just talking to myself, that's all.
From Kai.
Says, he wants to be a mechanic like his granddad when he grows up.
I hope you talked him out of that.
I tried.
- What have we got here? - A Shelby...350.
- I always wanted one of those. - Yeah, Kai remembered.
Mom seems to think you're not getting enough rest.
She loves you, Pop.
Okay...
You'll uh... call us when you get the test results back.
If that day ever comes.
Take care.
- Is he your oldest? - Yeah.
- What's he do? - Mark is a tax attorney.
Here.
His brother Lee is an engineer.
Who's the pretty little lady?
That's Rachel, the youngest of the three.
- Big age difference. - Yeah, well, she was a surprise.
We'd hardly got the boys out of the house, when she came along.
She's an outstanding violinist.
You've got kids?
Depends... I never stayed married long enough.
Oh, well, don't worry, I've been married long enough for the both of us.
How's that going?
- It's going. - That good...huh?
That's why they invented light switches.
Don't get me wrong, I love being married.
I've been there four times. The problem is, I love being single too.
It's hard to do 'em both at the same time.
Nobody's perfect.
The only successful marriage I had was me and my work.
I started making money when I was sixteen.
And that was that. Never stopped.
I'll be damned.
I wanted to be a history professor.
Nobody's perfect.
I made it through two months of city college, before Virginia gave me the news.
And then, you know. Young, black, broke
with a baby on the way,
you take the first decent job that comes along.
I always meant to go back, but 45 years go by pretty fast.
Like smoke through a keyhole.
Don't give me morphine while I'm asleep, It's such a waste...
Maybe she's trying to kill us both.
- Ever think of that? - Gin.
What are you, the devil?
What if I've lost my mind already?
Jesus, no...no, no, Jesus...
This is not what I had in mind... Talking to myself out loud, that's...
What do you think about suicide?
Suicide, me?
No way.
- Yeah, stage one. - What?
- There're five stages. - Denial...
anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.
Well, of course you're not thinking of suicide.
You're in stage one...denial.
- What stage are you in? - Denial.
- You're thinking about suicide? - Yeah, okay, it's just...
Well, it looks like you won’t be needing this anymore.
- That's it? - Yeah, fourth and final.
What's next?
They'll have to run all the tests first, see where we stand.
- For how long? - It takes a while.
I'll get Dr. Gibian to schedule them, as soon as I see him.
Hey! I'm on for another hour, anything you need?
A clean bill of health, if you got one.
- Hang in there, Carter. - That's what I do.
Hit the cutoff man, for crying out loud.
You see, that's the problem with the game today.
No fundamentals.
Did you ever read 'The Time of Your Life'?
- William Saroyan. - Yeah, no foundation.
All the way down the line.
When we were growing up...
What are you doing?
Nothing. Scribbling.
- Scribbling what? - Nothing, just scribbling.
Oh, sure. That's what you wanna do,
bounce a slider, with a man on third.
These kids today.
Ear phones, I'm talking to myself...again.
- Edward. - Doc.
- How's it going, there? - Dumb question.
I have the test back.
Straight out, huh...
Six months.
A year if we're lucky.
Well, there is a experimental program,
that we're thinking about getting you in on...
but I don't wanna get your hopes up,
but I think you would be an excellent candidate--
Hey... hey, doc...listen.
You're blocking my view.
Oh. Sorry.
You know Edward, if there's any questions,
day or night, you know where to find me.
- One question. - Sure, of course.
Carter, you wanna ask Dr. Hollins something?
I'm not familiar with Mr. Chambers...
Well get familiar!
I just wanted to know, how I stand, that's all.
Sure, I'm gonna go and take a look at your chart.
Thank you.
Edward...
There was a survey once...
A 1000 people when asked, if they could know in advance...
would they want to know the exact day of their death.
96% of them said no.
I always kind of leaned toward the other 4%.
I thought it would be of liberating.
Knowing how much time we had left to work with.
It turns out, it's not.
(The Bucket List:)
(1. Witness something truly majestic) (2. Help a complete stranger for the good)
(3. Laugh until I cry) (4. Drive a Shelby Mustang)
You wanna play cards?
I thought you'd never ask.
Rise and shine.
Or that.
Let me see that.
And uh...Thomas, call Marie at Christie's.
Tell her, I won’t be bidding this season.
I understand.
Sir, I don't mean to sound indelicate, but...
how do you want me to handle your...?
Death? Treat it as if it were your own.
So...leave all the money to my assistant.
Go get me one of those croissants.
And don't buy any green bananas.
- What are you doing? - What is this?
- Come on, give it back. - What is it?
Give it back!
It was on the floor. I didn't know, it was a state secret.
My freshman philosophy professor assigned us this exercise
in forward thinking. He called it a bucket list.
We were supposed to make a list of all the things we wanted to do in our lives, before...
...before we kick the bucket. Cutesy.
Anyway, I wrote down things like, 'Make a million dollars', 'First black president'.
You know, young man's wishes...
Now I was going to do the list, but then...
'Help a complete stranger for the good'.
'Laugh until I cry'.
Not to be judgemental, but this is extremely weak.
Well...
It's pointless now.
I would argue the exact opposite.
- What are you doing? - A little rewrite, that's all.
I mean, don't you wanna go out with some balls?
Guns blazing. Have a little fun?
It was not supposed to be about 'guns blazing'
or anything like that. You're missing the point.
What the hell is 'Witness something majestic'?
Have you ever been to the Himalayas?
'Drive a Mustang Shelby', not bad.
I've got one.
How about sky diving?
Now we're on to something.
We're on to something? Let me see that.
'Kiss the most beautiful girl in the world'?
- How do you propose doing that? - Volume.
'Get a tattoo'. Is that the sum of your ambition?
Edward, I've taked baths deeper than you.
It's easy to be deep in freshman philosophy.
What does Dr. Hollins say? We've got months, right?
- A year, maybe. - You think 45 years went by fast?
We could do this. We should do this.
- No, I...I... - Don't think about money.
That's all I got, is money.
- But...I don't know. - What don't you know?
It was meant to be metaphorical.
- Just trying to get a handle on... - Blah...blah...blah
Metaphors, you're the one crying, you never took a shot?
- Here's your chance. - My chance to what?
Make a fool of myself?
Never too late.
What do you think happens now?
I go back and sit around listening to people talking about...
mezzazine financing and subordinated debt,
pretending that I care about dead money.
You go home to some ceremonial procession into death.
With everyone standing around watching you die
while you're trying to comfort them. Is that what you want?
To be smothered by pity and grief?
Well not me, and in your heart, Carter...
I believe not you either.
We're both in the same boat, how's that for a metaphor?
We've got a real opportunity here.
Opportunity? That is really twisted, even by your standards.
You still feel good, right? Energy's coming back a little bit.
Asymptomatic, the doc says.
The way I see it, we can lie around here, hoping for a miracle
in some bullshit science experiment.
Or we can put some moves on...
- Sky diving, huh? - Right.
What kind of hospital is this? There isn't an MD within a mile.
Virginia, we have to talk.
What did they say?
Mrs. Chambers...I'm gonna give you two a little quiet time, excuse me.
It's not good.
I knew we should have gone to UCLA.
The surgeons are better Their post-up is better.
- It wouldn't have made any difference. - You don't know that.
We are not giving up. I want another opinion.
Hold on, Virginia.
Yes, Oncology please. Dr. Veteri's office.
- Virginia, no. - Let me handle this.
Dr. Veteri, it's Virginia Chambers. Yes, that's right.
I'm going away for a while.
What are you talking about?
I'm talking about, Edward and I are going away.
Edward and you?
Going away...where?
I don't expect you to understand.
You're damn right, I don't understand.
I don't understand how you can just give up like this.
How you can just quit...quit fighting?
- Virginia... - Why don't you tell our children that?
See what they say when they find out, that you've given up on them.
Given up on them?
Given up on them! I've got 45 years
greased up under the hood of a car, so that they didn't want for anything!
And they didn't.
I think I've earned some time for myself.
To do what? Run off with a total stranger?
- He's not a stranger. - I'm your wife.
And I'm your husband...and I'm their father and I'm a grandfather.
- And I'm a damn mechanic. - And you're a fool.
You're a fool who thinks he's figured out way
how not to have cancer.
I'm sorry.
My husband is not for sale.
She hates me.
Do you hate me?
Not yet.
And so it began.
I've always been afraid to go up in an airplane.
And now I'm gonna jump out of one, on a whim of a maniac!
Wanna get it?
How do you suggest we do that?
Wait...ow!
Damn it.
Not a word.
- Back to the seat, Kyle. - You have to forgive him Kyle,
- he's worried about the little woman. - This has nothing to do with my wife.
30 seconds to drop.
The sequel was like that, she never backed me up on anything.
The sequel?
The second Mrs. Edward Cole.
God, that woman hated me.
Maybe because you called her 'the sequel'.
Geez Kyle, I never looked at it that way.
15 seconds.
- No, no, wait, wait, I can't do this. - Sure you can.
No, I can't. Really.
made by radar1, edited by rogard
- It's not the jump you’re afraid of, but... - The hell it's not.
You're just afraid your chute won’t open...
and you'll show up at your own funeral as a Denver omelet.
No, I'm just pretty much worried the chute won't open.
The man's got some lungs.
Let's hit the silk... Geronimo...
Pull the thing, pull the cord!
How about this...huh? This is living.
I hate your rotten guts.
Surrender to the void!
Which one of these damn cords do you pull?
Don't touch it, we're not in the drop zone yet, we could wind up in a...
- Okay, let's deploy. - 'I got a feeling, I'm falling'...
We're in the red zone. Pull the cord.
- 'I got the feeling, I'm falling in love'...
Pull that damn cord!
I was in love once.
Tommy, we live to die another day.
- How lucky for me. - No jokes, Thomas.
Remember the will, you're so close.
Let me ask you something.
Is it... is it Tommy or Thomas?
Um, it's actually Matthew, but he finds that too biblical.
Let's eat something. Come on!
- Is he insane? - It depends.
So, have you decided?
No, I...I couldn't think of anything I wanna be stuck with permanently.
What's permanently? We're gonna be dead in five minutes.
- What? - Figure of speech.
So, no confederate flag, no black Jesus.
- No, I...I mean... - Yes, yes. Sure.
Why would I want to desecrate my body?
What, you're worried they won't bury you in a Jewish cemetery?
What, your wife? It's a tattoo.
It's not like you're dumping her for another woman.
I've never been with another woman.
Wow...
That's got to be on the list.
No, no, I don't think so.
66 years.. man, oh man, we ought to have a big orgy.
- No. - Orgy is not even being unfaithful.
No.
- It's...it's just, like, professional. - No!
I don't even have to be there.
Hello darling.
You're gonna drive it or buy it a dress?
Just getting to know each other.
- You sure we're cleared for this? - Of course, we're cleared for it.
- What if we weren’t? - Just checking.
Come on, tap it baby! Let's see what she's got.
Ah...we're doing just fine.
You sound like some kid going to the junior prom.
You sound like someone looking for an ass whuppin'.
Ass whuppin'? Ho, ho, ho, you've got nothing.
I got enough for you, Sonny Jim.
Take it.
Did you just make a penis reference?
What about this?
- Jesus, you're gonna kill us both. - What if I do?
Goddamn it!
You're breaking evil on me.
Evil? I'll show you evil... I show you Evil goddamn Knievel.
Pick up on this...chicken man.
Chicken man, huh?
You can run, but you cannot hide.
What do you wanna do next?
How much money do you have anyway?
Did anyone ever tell you that it's rude to talk about someone else's money?
I never knew anyone with enough to ask.
Medicinal.
It's indescribably beautiful.
I love flying over the polar cap, above the desolation.
The stars, it's really one of God's good ones.
So...you think a being of some sort did all this?
You don't?
You mean, do I believe if I look up in the sky and promise this or that,
the biggie will make all this go away?
No.
Then 95% of people on earth are wrong.
If life has taught me anything, it's that 95% of the people are always wrong.
It's called faith.
I honestly envy people who have faith, I just can't get my head around it.
Maybe your head's in the way.
Carter,
we can have hundreds of these discussions
and everyone of them always hits the same wall.
Is there...a sugar plum fairy or not?
And nobody has ever gotten over that wall.
Well...what do you believe?
I resist all beliefs.
No Big Bang, no random universe?
We live and we die, and the wheels on the bus go round and round.
What if...you're wrong?
I would love to be wrong. If I'm wrong, I win.
I'm not sure it works that way.
Wow, you're not claiming you know something I don't?
No, I just have faith.
Hallelujah brother, and pass the mustard.
- You know how they harvest caviar, don't you? - Hit me.
When the female sturgeon is caught,
the fisherman has to take great care to see that she dies peacefully.
If she feels the least bit threatened, she secretes a sour chemical the will ruin the eggs.
Sounds like my third wife.
The woman thought mayonnaise came from a plant.
I could get used to this.
Also sounds like my third wife.
Thirty years I've been coming here.
First time with a guy.
Well, I'm flattered.
Emily's tenth birthday was the best, though.
Who's Emily?
My little uh...
Well, she's not so little anymore.
You have a daughter? I thought you said...?
Yeah well...I didn't know you then.
To make a long story short.
I don't see her.
What are you doing?
It's time.
- No, no, no, cross that out. - Why?
- Cross it off! - Why?
Why? There is no why!
- What's the matter? - Excuse me.
Where are you going?
Just like a broad.
Look...Carter.
I'm sorry, I know...sometimes I get a little overbearing, and I...
- Jesus Christ. - It's alright, listen, it's okay...
- What? - The top of my catheter just came lose, that's all.
Oh, well, maybe we should get you to a hospital.
- I just busted out of the hospital. - Huh...
- It's alright, it has already stopped, see? Look. - Yeah...
- Look here...it's okay. - I just was wondering...
Yeah...uh...
Maybe I should get uh... let's go straight to the car.
Let's go.
- Come on...Come on. - Okay.
- Where's...where's Tommy? - He's here somewhere...
Oh, my...
How much money do you have?
Well, I wouldn't bleed on the rugs.
I'm gonna...I'm gonna find some place, where I can take a nice hot bath.
- Be as good as new. - Yeah, you should be okay.
Ok, just one second...okay.
Alright...it took some doing, but I rearranged everything.
Cairo tomorrow, Tanzania for two days, then Johannesburg on Saturday.
And as previously directed, no bullfight, no tiger hunt.
Thomas, I'd really like to say, you're irreplaceable,
but, I'd be lying.
And I'd really like to say you're a gracious man
and I love my job, but I too would be lying.
Turn about is fair play, I believe you learned that from me, the master.
Hey Edward! They got 'Jeopardy' in the bathroom.
On the TV, 'Jeopardy'.
Jeopardy...in French?
- Hello. - Mr. Cole?
Virginia Chambers.
Oh...yeah. Uh...hi.
Let me get Carter for you.
- Well, actually, I called to speak to you. - Oh...
Is he alright?
Well, yeah...he's... He is fine.
May I ask where you are?
- France actually, tomorrow... - Give him back to me!
Virginia, may I call you Virginia?
- I'm not sure, that I can make... - I'm not asking for his sake.
Mr. Cole, I've been a nurse my entire adult life.
Had a ringside seat to more human tragedy than any woman should ever have to bear.
Now, I'm prepared for my husband to die...
I'm just not prepared to lose him while he's still alive.
- Who is Howdy-Doody? - You've got it...you pick.
TV puppets for 400.
These two Muppets are roommates,
on the long running show Sesame Street.
- Who are Bert and Ernie? - Who are Bert and Ernie?
Entrez-vous.
- Who is Spiro Agnew? - Who is Spiro Agnew?
Well, you're looking...uh...bouyant.
This is the first time I was ever in a tub with no corners.
Really?
Yoy know...Carter, uh... I've been thinking.
What...with the catheter and everything.
Maybe we should put this on hold for a while.
Come on...I've told you, stop worrying, I’m fine.
It's not that...it's not that.
It's just, if you're worried about letting me down...
You know it's a lot easier for me.
You talked to Virginia, didn't you?
Why do you think I'm doing this?
Because I talked you in to it.
Edward, you're strong, but you're not that strong.
You know,
after Rachel left for college, there was a...hole.
Meaning, you know...No more homework, no more little league,
recitals, and school plays,
kids crying, fights, skinned knees.
And for the first time in 40 years, I looked at Virginia without all of the noise...
Without all of the...distractions.
And I couldn't remember... what it felt like...
when I could not walk down the street without holding her hand.
I mean...
She was the same woman I fell in love with, she hadn't changed.
But somehow everything's...different.
We've lost something along the way.
You know...
Who is Charlie McCarthy?
Look...look...look...look!
I was very pleased when Edward decided
to eliminate item number 9 from his list.
'Hunt The Big Cat'.
Of course he did insist on discharging a few rounds from the big gun.
One proved to be enough.
- Gin. - Of course, and why not?
Do you know that the only dog ever struck by lightning was right here in Egypt?
I wish I had met you before we were dead.
You know...technically we can cross off 2 items.
See the pyramids...
And witness something majestic. This is about as majestic as it gets.
Wait until you see my mountain.
Oh yeah.
Your mountain.
But still...this ain't half bad.
You know the ancient Egyptians had a beautiful belief about that.
When their souls got to the entrance of heaven, their gods ask them 2 questions.
Their answer determined whether they were admitted or not.
Okay...I'll bite.
What were they?
- Have you found joy in your life? - Uh huh.
Answer the question.
Me? Answer the question, if I found joy in my life?
Yes.
- Yes. - Has your life brought joy to others?
Oh...this type of question...I, uh...
I don't know. I don't think about how other people gauge...
Ask them.
I'm asking you.
Fine.
Let me put it to you this way.
After the breakup and the ensuing fleecing of the dead,
Emily went to live with her mother.
You know, you try to stay close, but...
it gets down to holidays, phone calls, birthday cards.
You know, anyway...
Emily goes to college,
joins one of her 'save the poor people',
the animals and what not.
Meets a guy, decides she loves him.
A good looking kid. Driven. Smart.
But there was something about him. So...
when she said they were engaged, I told her I was against it.
But being my daughter, naturally...
she went ahead and married him anyway.
Needless to say I wasn't invited to the wedding.
- That must have hurt? - Do you think?
The first time he hit her, she came to me.
I wanted to bash his brains in.
She wouldn't let me.
She said she loved him and that it wasn't his fault, he had a few drinks.
She was the one who picked the fight.
Next time it happened, she didn't come to me.
The ex told me, nice to hear her voice again.
- What did you do? - What any father would do.
I took care of it.
I called a guy, who called a guy, who handles this kind of things.
I don't know what he said, don't know what he did,
all I know is, he didn't kill him.
And my daughter never heard from him again.
How did she react?
Called me names you wouldn't believe, and worse.
She said I was dead to her.
I'm not proud of everything I did,
but I'm pretty sure, I'll do it all again. So...
if they won't let me into Egyptian heaven because my daughter hates me,
well, then I guess that's just the way it goes.
However you answer your two questions.
How do we get down from this tomb?
The empress was the wife of Shah Jehan, the 5th mughal emperor.
Although it was an arranged marriage, they were deeply in love.
They remained inseparable until she died, giving birth to their fourteenth child.
Do you mind if I call you Ray?
My main man Ray
Are you listening to anything that I'm saying?
Absolutely, fourteen kids.
I'm with you.
It took 20 thousand volunteers 22 years to complete this structure.
Every square foot was designed by the Shah himself.
- So that's true love. - That's true love.
It must be nice.
I don't know if I buy the whole 20 thousand volunteers business.
Funeral plans tend to confuse me.
Specifically, buried or cremated?
Take buried, now I know it shouldn't matter,
but I'm claustrophobic.
What if I wake up underground and nobody can hear me?
Do they still make those coffins with the bells?
Uh...I don't believe they do.
Then cremated.
What do you do with the ashes? Do you bury 'em, scatter 'em,
put 'em on a shelf, float 'em down the Ganges on a bed of flowers?
What if I feel the flames?
I definitely wanna have myself cremated.
Maybe we should go frozen like Walt Disney.
No...cremated,
ashes put in a can, buried someplace with a view.
A can, huh?
Yeah...I don't like the sound of the word 'urn'.
Really? You have any special feelings about crypt?
Nope.
No...an old Chock Full O' Nuts can, will do me just fine.
Chock Full O' Nuts, the heavenly coffee.
Better coffee even your money can buy.
- Don't bet on it. - Oh, right.
- Kopi Luwak. - What do you got against Kopi Luwak?
Too fancy for my taste.
Oh yeah, too fancy for my main man Ray.
- Gin. - Goddamn it.
You get all the cards.
This is China for you, baby!
- Woohoo! - Yeah!
It'd be a lot more majestic if we could see it.
See that old woman? Odds are we're gonna be dead before her.
A happy thought.
Of course she's probably got reincarnation going for her, however that system works.
The Buddhists believe they keep coming back.
Moving up or down a level, based on how you lived your live.
You see, that's where they lose me.
I mean, what would a snail have to do to move up in the lineup?
- Lay down a perfect trail of slime? - So, shitty news or really shitty news?
A, the first one.
There's a storm up there.
Thanks for the bulletin Tom. You can't even see the goddamn thing.
They won't let us fly up until the weather clears.
Well, when do they expect it to clear?
Next spring, sometime.
That's the really shitty news, in case you were wondering.
Well...
Maybe next time.
Yeah...next spring.
Well, now what?
Well, maybe your mountain is trying to tell us something.
- What do you mean? - Maybe we've been gone long enough?
Gone long enough? Gone long enough for whom?
Oh, now I get it.
The mountain's not telling us it's time for us go home.
The mountain is telling you to tell me
it's time for me to go home.
- Right? - Yeah.
I don't give a shit.
Why don't you worry about your own life and let me worry about mine, okay?
- Okay? - Okay, okay, you don't have to get chippy.
- What's next? - Next...Hong Kong.
Silk suits and black walnut ice-cream.
The Tibetans call it Chomulungma, 'Goddess mother of the snows'.
'Goddess mother of the world', actually.
In the traditional Tibetan translation.
I stand corrected.
Pinot noir, please.
I take it you've been there?
Uh, just left, actually.
We tried to go up, but the weather...
It's late in the season.
- Yeah...that's what they tell me. - My name's Angelica.
Yeah, Carter.
I'm sorry if this sounds terrible, but
aren't you a little developed in years to be running up a giant mountain?
'Developed'. That's certainly one way of putting it.
- Well, I've been up there. - Really?
I made it to 26.000 feet before we had to turn back.
Really?
- What's it like? - Cold,
mostly. During the day, the sky is more black than blue.
There isn't enough air to reflect the sunlight.
But at night...you've never seen so many stars.
It seems like they're just out of reach... and so bright.
They're like little holes... in the floor of heaven.
Did you hear it?
Hear what?
I read an account of a man who made it to the summit.
And standing there at the top of the world,
he experienced this profound silence.
It was like all sound just fell away.
- And that's when he heard it. - What?
The sound of the mountain.
He said it was like he heard the voice of God.
I've never done this before.
That sounds like such a cliché, but...
I have a room upstairs.
Well, it's...
I mean...I...
I appreciate that, but you see...I'm...
She's a very lucky woman.
Well, I would think I'm the lucky one.
Good for you.
Tom...three things to remember when you get older:
Never pass up a bathroom.
Never waste a hard on.
And never trust a fart.
I'll keep that in mind as I approach decrepitude.
That's a good one.
- Let's go home. - Excuse me?
- I wanna go home now. - But...I thought...
What about the silk suits?
That was very clever of you, Edward.
How'd you know I wouldn't go through with it?
I didn't.
I'm proud of you.
Nobody cares what you think.
America.
Hey Tommy, this isn't the way to Crenshaw.
There's an accident on the ten. We're taking the surface streets.
Why are we uh...?
Oh my God.
He's kept tabs on her just in case you ever decided to--
- This was your idea, Tom? - No, it was my idea.
- I talked him into it. - You talked him into it.
Hey, wait a minute. Edward...wait a minute.
Edward...what are you so afraid of?
Just because I told you my story does not invite you to be a part of it.
Oh, like the lady in the bar?
- That's different. - Tell me how it's different?
- Because it is! - How is it different?
You have no fucking idea who I am!
I build a billion dollar business up from nothing.
Presidents have asked my advice, I have dined with royalty.
And I'm supposed to make out like what,
this trip was supposed to mean something to me?
Like it was gonna change me?
How did you see it playing out, Carter? I knock on the door,
she answers, she's surprised and angry.
But I tell her how much I love her and miss her.
And oh...by the way, I'm gonna be dead soon,
so I'm reaching out to you because I don't wanna die alone?
- Everyone is afraid to die alone. - I'm not everyone!
This was supposed to be fun.
That's all it ever was.
No, you don't get in. Call a cab.
Dear heavenly Father, we just want to thank you for this day,
for having our family here together once again.
Lord, we just want to thank you
for returning my husband and their father.
- Is he crying? - I don't know.
He's always been so cheerful.
Wait a minute, I've got something for us. I wasn't sure I'd need it.
- You know how long it's been? - Do I wanna know?
Well, it's been longer than that.
You know, I feel like a teenager.
Like our first time.
If we were teenagers, we would never have gotten out of that living room.
I remember the first time. There was no tip-toeing around.
You were on me like...
That!
Carter? Oh...you're playing hide and seek now, huh...okay...
Carter!
...which resulted in a 15% increase in cash assets
following the sale of the recovery care center to Phillips medical.
Mr. Cole...Mr. Cole...?
Have you ever read the 'Divine Comedy'?
Excuse me, sir?
The 'Divine Comedy', Dante Aligheri's journey into hell.
Maybe we should take a break.
We don't need a break, I'm in remission.
I'm a goddamn medical miracle.
I'm simply asking if you've ever read the 'Divine Comedy'.
Sir, you have a phone call.
Tommy, not now.
I really think you should take this.
What's the prognosis?
It's been metastasized to his brain.
Metas--? Operable?
Well, the odds aren't exactly what we'd like them to be.
Uh...God. Jesus...
- How's he doing? - He's doing okay.
Oh, he wanted me to you give you this.
I was supposed to wait until after... but then I thought--
She never listened to me before.
Why change a winning formula?
You look like shit, Ray.
- Thanks. - How are they treating you?
Pea soup still sucks.
- I'll have a word with the owner. - You do that.
Can I have some water?
You can't have any water, but I'll go get you some of those lemon squats, okay?
Are you still drinking that fancy coffee?
What? Are you obsessed?
Read it.
'Kopi Luwak is the world's most expensive coffee.
Although for some it falls under the category of 'Too Good To Be True'.
In the Sumatran village, where the beans are grown
lives a breed of wild tree cat.
These cats eat the beans, digest them
and then defecate...
The villagers then collect and process the stools.
It is the combination of the beans and the gastric juices of the tree cat
that give Kopi Luwak its unique flavor and aroma.'
You're shitting me?
The cats beat me do it.
You got a pen? Give me a pen.
'Laugh Until I Cry'
It's not finished.
It's not a one man deal.
I'm afraid it will have to be.
We're ready.
I'll be here when you get back.
That sounds good to me.
'Dear Edward:
I've gone back and forth in the last few days trying to decide
whether or not I should even write this.
In the end, I realized I would regret it if I didn't,
so here goes.
I know the last time we saw each other, we weren't exactly hitting the sweetest notes.
It certainly wasn't the way I wanted the trip to end.
I suppose I'm responsible, and for that I'm sorry.
But, in all honesty, if I had the chance, I'd do it again.
Virginia said I left a stranger and came back a husband.
I owe that to you.
There's no way I can repay you for all you've done for me.
So, rather than try, I'm just going to ask you to do something else for me:
Find the joy in your life.
You once said you're not everyone.
Well, that's true, you're certainly not everyone.
But everyone is everyone.
My pastor always says, 'Our lives are streams
flowing into the same river
towards whatever heaven lies in the mist beyond the falls.'
Hello, sweetie.
'Find the joy in your life, Edward.'
'Kiss The Most Beautiful Girl In The World.'
'My dear friend, close your eyes
and let the waters take you home.'
Good afternoon. My name is Edward Cole.
I do not know what most people say on these occasions,
because, in all honesty,
I've tried to avoid them.
The simplest thing is, I loved him
and I miss him.
Carter and I saw the world together.
Which is amazing
when you think that only three months ago we were complete strangers.
'Help A Complete Stranger For The Good.'
I hope it doesn't sound selfish of me.
But the last months of his life
Were the best months of mine.
He saved my life, and he knew it before I did.
I'm deeply proud...
That this man found it worth his while to know me.
In the end
I think it's safe to say that we brought some joy to one another’s lives.
So, one day
when I go to some final resting place.
And if I happen to wake up next to a certain wall with a gate...
I hope that Carter is there,
to vouch for me.
And show me the ropes, on the other side.
Edward Perrimont Cole died in May.
It was on a Sunday in the afternoon and there wasn't a cloud in the sky.
He was 81 years old.
'Witness Something Majestic.'
Even now, I can't claim to understand the measure of a life.
But I can tell you this...
I know that when he died, his eyes were closed
and his heart was open.
And I'm pretty sure he was happy with his final resting place,
because he was buried on a mountain.
And that was against the law.